p/s: byebye 2019

Its 12.55am and it’s the golden hour where I’d write most of the proses and poems that you guys may have read in this blog. And the way how I see it, some may be in a deep slumber at this hour while some may be having their noses sticking up to their books for late night revision (or maybe doing their homework which is due tomorrow but unaccomplished haaa, fret not, I do it too sometimes 🤪) But the main purpose of this blog post is dedicated to this year, two thousand nineteen, 2019, 2k19, ’19, the end of the decade or whatever you’re presenting the year. This year meant so much to me.

This year had witnessed it all. Every drop of tear that trickled down my cheeks, every single laughter I’ve shared with my loved ones, every frown that had turned upside down or every smile that faded in a flash, you name it. This year would’ve been the apex of my last few years in high school. I’ve never expected that so many things could happen within a mere number of 365 days. Also, in this very year, I am finally a 16 year old. An age so youthful. An age where you see in most teen movies is the “you can’t tell me what to do anymore’” age. An age where it was said to be the “honeymoon year,”. Yea right feed on those little white lies as you wish because it ain’t all true ya know.

Not gonna lie but this was the age that I was anticipating for since I was a little kid and ever since I entered college, I was so excited to be a form 4. ( yela, honeymoon year kan. hmph ini semua propaganda semata-mata 😤) The first half of the year was quite okay for me as everything went pretty smoothly as I expected it to be. Having okay grades that I hope I  could make my family proud, participated in competitions both international and local ones, and most importantly, lesser unstable emotions and peer pressure hahaha. And whammmm. The second half of the year is where it gets pretty challenging for me and it hit me really hard. Like, really, really, really hard. Istg everyone was so competitive in terms of studies and grabbing the opportunity of participating in both co-curriculum and co-curricular activities. Everyone worked real hard to be the best. (Oh and everyone means I was referring to none other than my batchmates of course!) The biggest challenge for me this year was to keep everything balanced. (And staying awake in class haihhh).

I can’t really remember how many times I’ve stayed up late at night to catch up on my studies of which the classes I’ve missed, the number of coffee cans I’ve chugged along the way to the academic block while gossiping with my friends, the last minute Maths Day questions me and my other gang prepared on Wednesdays before morning assemblies, the tiring but obviously fun rugby trainings with the team, the night gamelan practices that substituted my precious night preps and of course, the uncountable times of being so sleepy in class hehe (cmon, tipu la tak pernah mengantuk dalam class because if you’ve never experienced this phenomenon, mad respect for you bro/sis 😤✊🏻 ). But any who, I survived the year anyways and that is my BIGGEST flex of the year. Yes, surviving another year closer to death is indeed an achievement for me. All the experiences I’ve gained throughout my entire 16 years of living are worth more than my biggest win in life. My mom used to tell me something back when I was in my junior days. She told me that no matter how bad is your seniors (which they aren’t! They’re actually really good human beings and for that I appreciate their existence too), you still have to respect them because they are of course, more experienced than you. And so, I did what I had to do. In fact, when I was in form one, moments before I got my own college sister which was a form 5, the OGAs had this banner on stage that says, “Respect The Seniors, Care For The Juniors” and boy that quote was deep. I still can’t believe that I’m going to be a college sister to another innocent and pure first former in 2020, which is like, tomorrow?!?! How fast time flies truly amazes me :”D

This year had also taught me that sometimes in life, all the things we wanted to sustain and cherish till our last breath don’t really live to our expectations. It’s possible, but maybe it’s just not right for you. And sometimes, when things go wrong, you just gotta know what you did wrong and improve from that point. We all may go through this at some point of life. It’s just a matter of how you’re reacting to the situation and how you’re moving on from that point. It’s like a small dot in a paragraph that you deserve a pat on the back for finally ending that chapter in your life. If you did something wrong, it’s fine, honestly.( Besides, it’s going to be a good joke that you could tell your kids of all the silly things you did, especially the ones you did in high school haha) Life is just too short for you to think about a matter for too long. You just gotta step up your game and own the rally like the back of your hand and the big prize is all yours to own it. Aha I sound like an Asian parent now. Sheesh.

Anyways! Before I’d end this final blog of the year, I just have to say thank you to a lot of people for a bearable year. As much as I wanted the year to end, it’s going to be a very memorable one. It’s those moments that I’ll miss but NEVER repeat. Firstly, I’d like to thank you to my family for always being there and supporting me from afar (especially you mom! You da best and stay youthful as always <3 ), to my teachers in college, thank you for teaching me and my friends, especially all those extra classes you’d put up through where you’d sacrifice your time just for us and we (xylix) are really grateful to have wonderful people in our lives. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Next, to the 140 sisters I have in college (this excludes my biological sister ya), I’m just so grateful to go through this dreadful year with all of you and I mean every single one of you. From Julia, the girl sitting next to the front door of 4T, to Ked, the girl sitting next to the back door of 4N, all of you had made each moment during classes felt less like forever and also, another reason to actually want to go to school, apart from preparing for SPM of course because we just gotta take that exam without an option hmMmMmM. Let’s just do this one last time before we really part into our own ways after 20/11/20. And last but not least, a final thank you to everyone that appeared in my life. To those who stayed, I am so grateful for everything but to those who left with/without specific reasons, I have no words to utter but I hope you’re doing well without me. And for that, BYEBYE 2019, HELLO 2020.

xoxo,

a.k.